40 of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (March 22, 2025)

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  • 01

    This time is different

    temple runner @ponderingssss picking at your skin is OK if you feel like this time it will really truly make it smooth 8:33 PM 3/13/25 1.8M Views 121 19.3K 107K ☐ 2.2K 企
  • 02

    Big brained

    Sridhar Ramesh @RadishHarmers Today, 3/14, is a very special day to mathematicians because 3+1 = 4. • 10:49 AM 3/14/25 535K Views 50 t 2.5K 33K ☐ 5
  • 03

    It's decorative, you cretin

    Nate X @natemcgrady what is the purpose of this part of a towel? 4:08 PM 3/13/25.77M Views 14K 1 17K 417K ☐ 40K ↑
  • 04

    No way

    Mehran Jalali @mehran_jalali "Denver airport is bigger than San Francisco" "Oh neat" "Not the San Francisco airport. San Francisco." "OH" 8:53 PM 3/9/25 11M Views 479 17 8.4K 287K 14K ↑
  • 05

    The devil's sound

    JR ✪ @ResilienceX3 The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off so you don't have to listen to such an unbearable noise 9:51 AM 3/12/25 4.7M Views 517 17 22K 243K 4.7K 企
  • 06
    Idris Elbow @YallLuvCris Oh word? O E EMERGENCY Patient Drop-Off A Hospital and O Medical Offices Medical Offices →A and Medical Offices →B Women and Children's Center HOES WORK HERE your physicians andemployen MAKABAR PERMAN FIRE LANE NO PARKING
  • 07
    Redd @ReddCinema my friend said she can't hangout this week bc she just gave birth??? you've known the baby 1 day and me 12 years but ok 8:22 AM 3/10/25 6.2M Views . 1K 15K 260K 7.7K ↑.
  • 08
    Melissa (M²) @ToolGirl18 Pickles are great..until you're in one. 3:00 PM 3/11/25 1M Views • ○ 60 1 6.3K 47K Σ ☐ 1.
  • 09
    greg ✪ @greg16676935420 I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob 1:44 PM 3/11/25 1.2M Views 1.3K 2.1K 38K ☐ 1.2K
  • 10
    Dividend Hero @Hero Dividend Just checked my portfolio WELL FO 4:40 PM 3/10/25.5M Views 273 1 6.4K 138K ☐ 3.4K 企
  • 11
    Soren Iverson @soren iverson IVERSON Workday bid on deceased coworkers PTO ← Time Away Previous time away old Rodney has passed away. Want his PTO? He accrued 115 days. Bidding starts at 8am PT on Thursday. Please do not use company time to place your bids. Remind Me Buy for $47,503 Omnicorp reserves the right to deny excessive PTO usage. More 14.0 12.0 10.0 11:25 AM 3/11/25 1.8M Views 266 tz 1.7K 40K 2.4K 企
  • 12
    vivi @mooncatvivi thanks for spending time with me today. can u just fill out this questionnaire - did i act ok - was i cool - was i fun - did you have fun - did i do anything wrong • 11:43 PM 3/9/25 -5.2M Views 24 1752K 324K 29K ↑
  • 13
    Wipe Your Tears @cxnnevia Is Southwest aware that now people are no longer incentivized to fly with them?? 8:23 AM 3/11/25 1M Views 319 17 3.8K 24K ☐ 573
  • 14
    Ginny Hogan_ @ginnyhogan Me: sometimes I worry I'm wasting my 20s My husband: you are 33 7:46 AM 3/11/25 11K Views . • 6 2729 615 ☐ 14
  • 15
    Loky❤ @lokymann 2070 WiLL SANTINO g@illygrene. 2d People Born in 1990-2005, how's life? 11:24 PM 3/9/25 19M Views 555 17 62K 480K ☐ 18K ↑
  • 16
    skipppppy @skipppppy_art I mean f , I like naps, I like bed, I like soft pillows and blankets for my sleepy head 5:56 PM 2/19/25 6.2M Views 285 1 78K 414K 12K 企
  • 17
    Sgt Blackout @coldcallsniper Cranking your hog is truly life changing One minute you are ready to co-sign a car for a chick and the next thing you know you realize you might hate her 8:05 PM 3/9/25 2.8M Views 212 171.9K 46K ☐ 2.7K ↑
  • 18
    quameh @kwameaddoobiri_ There is something beautiful about having long term friends that have witnessed multiple versions of you and loved you unconditionally through each version 9:10 AM 3/8/25 2.2M Views 248 1729K 120K ☐ 6.4K ↑
  • 19
    Neil Renic @NC_Renic Feedback that matters What a nice semicolon. Hardly anyone knows how to use them. 5:13 AM 3/9/25.1.6M Views 88 1 4.5K 131K 3.2K 企
  • 20
    derek guy @dieworkwear they put polo bear on ozempic POLO BEAR by RALPH LAUREN Rolge Laun 6:30 PM 3/8/25 1.7M Views • 233 17 3.9K POLO BEAR by RALPH LAUREN 80K 2K ↑
  • 21
    Stacey W @its_staceym I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys. 2:34 AM 3/11/25 6.7M Views 398 46K 338K ☐ 7.9K
  • 22
    Leopold Williams, JD @ClubStauskas Bullpen game tonight O NET WT 807 (2279) 2.6 CARDS Michelob Mi FRE FRESH Spotted Employee Owned Miller UNCOMP AND FREDER CAN MILLE lite A FINE PILSNER WIND & BOTTLED IN NEW CLAR Brewing C ite Spotted Cow ALE 12 FL OZ BEER
  • 23
    COSMIC SLOP @afrocosmist "everything is computer" is one of the funniest, truest things anyone has ever said. an accurate summation of the 21st century 10:05 AM 3/12/25 496K Views 54 1 1.4K 32K 1K ↑
  • 24
    Cassandra @TheMovieMermaid Checked my credit card balance They were scary. The numbers were scary. 9:12 PM 3/12/25.2M Views ○ 26 176.9K 90K ☐ 2K 企
  • 25
    cinesthetic. @TheCinesthetic robert pattinson's reddit AMA AshlsMetal 2d What's your life like outside of acting? 402 Rob_Pattinson Robert Pattinson 2d s_ks 11:10 AM 3/13/25 2.6M Views 113 17 5.4K ... 1669 170K ☐ 4.3K ↑
  • 26
    Rizzie McGuire @Nyla RoseBeast I genuinely don't know if I want tubi stopped by any means necessary or protected at all cost The Grinch That Stole B*tches 2024 1hr 8 min TV-MA Comedy The Grinch has to settle the score with Santa, so he decides to take a different and naughtier approach. Directed by Malik Marcell Starring Otis Mcintosh, Navv Greene, Nigel Rhoden,... Play Like or Dislike Add to My List Watch Trailer tut
  • 27
    Ben Zaehringer @benzaehringer Magic trick PICK A CARD. HRGH!! DAD!! "TO MY SON, I LEAVE... THE QUEEN OF HEARTS!" 12:44 PM 3/12/25 2.3M Views 56 18.3K berkeleymews.com 180K ☐ 4.4K
  • 28
    WHO? @soursillypickle My husband and I decided we don't want children. It was a difficult decision, but we're telling them tonight. 9:36 PM 3/12/25 1.8M Views . 2.2K 17 3.7K 51K 1.7K ↑
  • 29
    Mike @hammerito Dude pulled up with the weightlifting jelt I am SOBBING S STA
  • 30
    Cons @CaptainCons Good news fellas my wife got more throw pillows for our bed that I get to take off and on every day 7:13 PM 3/14/25 844K Views 57 • 17379 15K ☐ 224
  • 31
    gabrus @Gabrus thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. click remember this computer so we can forget it • 3:55 PM 3/14/25 85K Views 16 17255 5.9K 71 ↑
  • 32
    MR. MITCH @1800ghostman my 1-2 year plan is to infiltrate an open marriage on Hinge and attempt to seize their real estate assets 5:07 PM 3/14/25 1.3M Views 103 17 3.5K 61K 1.6K 企
  • 33
    Viggie Smalls @Viggie Smalls93 Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I'm bad with money or if they are 7:00 PM 3/13/25 9.3M Views ◇ 1.6K tz 17K 243K 6.6K ↑
  • 34
    Skrrt Gödel @JEllulz "autism didn't exist until recently" have you met old guys who work in hardware stores? 3:28 PM 3/14/25 2.3M Views • 470 16.9K 121K ☐ 2.4K ↑
  • 35
    Black Girl @t_sadiity I get in Ubers and just start lying 9:55 PM 3/9/25 6.4M Views 667 21K 184K
  • 36
    CHIDINMA @cruisequeeeen Are we still on for today?? Levi @Witty Levi - 1d What feels close to begging but isn't? 3:42 AM 3/14/25 6.2M Views 326 121K 197K
  • 37
    kaitlyn @dirtman191 severance r/mildlyinfuriating u/fvcklife_love .5h.i.redd.it Join Roomba accidentally saw outside and now I can't delete "room 1" and "room 4" room5 room13 room11 room1 room4 room10 room12 room2 room3
  • 38
    Melvin of York @MelvinofYork you can't just Insert random line breaks and call it poetry 3:57 PM 3/14/25 3.9K Views Q 12 27 38 99
  • 39
    redux ⭑ @lycragun can't stand British posts on my TL "I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny" what the f are you talking about 11:06 AM 3/14/25 412K Views • 57 1524 10K 335 ↑
  • 40
    Art E McFly @SabotagedSmoke Everyone clowns your parkour skills until they see you navigate Costco on a weekend 8:11 PM 3/14/25 1.4K Views 4 27 11 35 ☐

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